The life that is….me!

Yesterday i left Mudgee for Melbourne ….3 kids in toe…ALONE!

We left around 840am from Mum and Dads. I was tired before id even pulled out of the drive way. I copped shit from friends for even driving alone in the forst place, but i had little choice. Renee didnt realise i meant this week to come home and she was busy and couldnt drive back with me. Next week i have appointments so needed to be home.

We got to Kings Plain and there was an accident so had to do a huge detour up a gravel road and around the world.

Stopped at Cowra for lunch and then headed off. For dinner we stopped in Rutherglen at Jess’s. Headed off around 9pm!

Finally after a huge 972km we arrived home 🙂

Was so nice to sleep in my own bed

Thursday Renee and i drove to Mudgee for me break away from home!

On Friday Renee and i drove to Singleton to pick up the kids from Kathy. At night we went to Mudgee show, wasnt very exciting, but was  a night out at least.

Saturday morning i headed over to Dubbo to stay with Kayla for a few days. It was Saturday njight that things turned fun. We hit the town for drinkies. Beginning at the RSL for cocktails and then headed to Amaroo for the night of grog and dancing. I was a good girl and started off  drinking slowly, but it was when i hit the bourbon and coke i was gooone! I dunno what time we left, but we got home around 3am 🙂

Shame Sunday morning we were both hung over, tired and couldnt function to well. It was also her son Ethans 3rd birthday. We went to a play centre for a few hours. Rest of the afternoon was wasted on napping and chilling!

Today after brunch i headed back to Mudgee. I went out to the cemetery before heading to mums. Im so so so tired but there will be no nap today as i gotta watch the kids while the oldies sleep and do what ever they do LOL

Its been nice til now, i just hope the rest of the week is fun. Heading home on Thursday at this stage.

I think Melbourne is having a mother nature issue…today is the first day of Autumn..or is WINTER?? Seriously, it feels like -5 degrees here, its raining, miserable, windy and just plain yucky!!

All i want to do is turn the heater on and i cant cos it trips all my power circuits if i do LOL

Some may have noticed pictures popping up of my kids in the most stunning looking handmade clothes of late. For those who know me well, will know i cannot sew to save myself, therefore they must be coming from somewhere…and that is very true!

They are being made by Peta, a WAHM of 2 younng girls. Princess P. Creations was launched this year but the venture took of last year when i was asking for some custom clothes for the kids Christmas day outfits.

So here we go for the fashion parade starting with Christmas outfits:

Next i ordered the girls some nighties, Zachery some PJ’s and a spare pair of everyday shorts…which arrived today:

I looooooove Peta’s stuff….so as Peta’s business cards say:

Handmade fashion for the littlest Prince or Princess through to the queen bee!

Im not one to single people out incase they get embarrassed but when some one makes an impact on my life, i will.

And today Peta has….not only did i receive my kids gorgeous clothes (which i cannot wait to see on them!), i also got a separate envelope. I knew it was a card, but when i opened it, i cried…alot!

It was an empowering card and on the front it says I am a woman and I am strong….and right now i am living by that motto (well close to it). On opening the card Peta had wrote the most amazing message and im so greatful for what she said.

Its powerful messages and words from the friends i love and am proud to call my friends that makes every day worth while.

From the bottom of my heart…Thank You Peta, you are a gem *Mwah*

While ive missed my babies immensely (who are currently at Grandmas giving Craig and myself a break) Ive enjoyed the peace and me time. Ive managed to complete Mount Foldmore YAY! Ive also moved the girls big draws into the lounge room for their clothes, moved my clothes back into my room (where in Chelsea’s room….long story..don’t ask), and bagged up 7 bags of kids clothes for the donation bin. Gosh it was hard doing that but it needed to be done. I have no need for them anymore and i don’t think ever will 🙁

So this week Ive done some cleaning…sure the house looks worse now, but ill get to it before Tuesday, cant have Renee walking in to a complete bomb zone!  Ive been eating proper meals (even though the last few days have been a bit of a write off). Its been nice to finally spend some time with my friend.

Today i didn’t do much. Spent half the day at the Dr’s with a friend, then when we were done there, i had to visit my own doctor for a couple of issues. All is fine, no need to worry, just had to get a referral for something and question on my damn IUD that’s STILLLL giving me troubles, I’m so close to ripping it out its not funny.

Speaking of which, i never posted about my last little mishap i had with it did i?

About 2-3 weeks ago now..it fell OUT….like not a little way…but ALL THE WAY OUT!  So of course off to my GP i go, tell him the story and then informs me, more then likely it was never inserted correctly in the first place :O

I got a new script and IUD and then i had to search for somewhere to get it in. I could have gone back to the clinic but i was worried they would stuff it up again, so my friend found a Dr in another practice who done it and i went there. OMFG…i had it in with nooooo sedation this time. Let me say one thing..NEVER AGAIN. Sedation all the way for me. Least i wasn’t alone when i had it done!

Of course now the same issues are still hanging round and im getting a bit over it and want to pull it out and find another contraceptive, but nothing else takes my fancy LOL

So that’s about all that’s new round here. Off to Mudgee next week for 2 weeks. Only down side is i’ll have no mobile reception and i’ll miss my friend!!!!!!

At last i can finally celebrate reaching my first major weight loss goal!! Ive now lost 13.9kg. I wont post what % that is cos then people will know how much of a blimp i really am, but its an achievement for me to get here!!

So who doesnt have Facebook? Everyone one has good old Facey….everyone but me. Today i woke up, and 2 hours later it was gone. Gone from sight and gone from being loaded in my browser. Well thats a lie, i have the kids page still, but thats to keep the family happy. They need to see pictures all the time so thats why i have left theirs active. Mine ceases to exist.

Vanished.

Gone.

Deactivated.

May be deleted.

Over…

Moving on to friends. Who may they be i often wonder. I tell one person EVERYTHING and find out another knows, good trust there. Or i say one thing to a friend, and then its passed onto another. Sure i know friends worry but FFS theres no need to play chinese whispers behind my back. People say i have lots of friends…why cos i had 157 ‘friends’ on Facey? Did i know them all…personally no, IRL no, there was a handful that i do actually know for real. The rest ive picked up via forums, chat sites, dating sites or through other people. So no, i dont have friends and you know what..i LOVE it..means i have no one to care about or hurt in my dark days.

And so we come to life. Yes i have depression.

Yes i am seeking help.

Yes i hate life.

Yes i know i have issues.

Yes i know i bottle things up.

Yes i know i let things get the better of me.

Yes things are not as bad as i let things become.

Yes i push my friends away.

Yes i know no one understands me.

Yes i want to be left alone…… PLEASE

Dear my baby angel Sweet Melanae Lily,

Its been a long and hard 12 months since you left us. Not a day goes by that i don’t think about you, about what you would be doing and what you would look like. Its so hard seeing your sisters and brother playing so happily, when you should be here with them.

I wish i knew what you were doing right now, but i bet your having fun with all the other angels that were to beautiful for this Earth.

So much has happened in the past 12 months sweetheart, but Ive never forgotten you. Yesterday i had your sand pictures blown up and they are on the wall for me to always look at. Every Time i look i shed a tear because i loved you so much and always will.

I wish i could bring you back, but i cant and that hurts so much. I’m sorry Princess you couldn’t hold on 🙁

You didn’t have time to make fingerprints on the walls, instead you made fingerprints on our hearts

Today Chelsea started in the big Kinder room. Jasmine also started at ABC in Pre Kinder. I cannot believe how big they are getting. Its hard to think next year miss C is off to BIG SCHOOL!!!!!